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(upbeat music)

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- The pandemic turned our
entire lives upside down,

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but it particularly
affected our relationships,

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whether we were single or partnered.

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The pandemic really forced
us to rethink everything

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about our love lives.

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That's why today I'm chatting
with Meredith Goldstein,

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a love expert who is the host
of the "Love Letters" podcast

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by "The Boston Globe,"

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to chat about how love and
relationships will evolve

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in the post-pandemic world.

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I'm Liz Segran,

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a senior staff writer
here at "Fast Company."

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We all want to be the best
versions of ourselves,

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and that's why I come to you
every week with recommendations

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that will make your
life happier, healthier,

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and more meaningful.

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(upbeat music)

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So, Meredith, you are a love expert,

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and I'm so excited to
be talking to you today.

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Tell us a little bit about

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when you first started writing about love.

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- Well, I certainly wasn't a love expert

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when I first started,

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but I started about 12 years
ago with an advice column.

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And even before then,

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I was always interested
in writing about trends

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in dating and marriage and
divorce and relationships.

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So for a long time now,

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I have just been following
other people's love lives.

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- Well, that's actually really interesting

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because I would love to
hear what trends you saw

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as we went into the pandemic

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as far as dating and relationships went.

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- Well, interestingly enough,

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people were just so tired of
dating before the pandemic.

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There was a lot of dating
fatigue specifically.

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So people would tell me,

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"Oh, I'm so sick of being on the apps."

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And then all of a sudden
they couldn't be on the apps,

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or if they were, it was
just very passively.

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So I think I saw people
actually taking a moment,

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taking a beat to take stock
of what they really wanted.

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I also think it escalated
relationships pretty quickly.

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If you had had three dates
with someone at that point,

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you had to decide, is this
person in my pod, in my bubble?

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So a lot of people were forced
to make much larger decisions

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about possible partners

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than they would have in normal times.

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So it's really brought people to a place

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of truth with themselves very quickly.

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- So I think an interesting question is

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as we move back to normalcy,

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and we hope that that's
gonna happen relatively soon,

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what aspects of pandemic dating
do you think will stay on,

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and what things are just
gonna sort of disappear?

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- Well, I do think there's
gonna be this incredible freedom

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in coming back into the world,

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and that honesty, I think,
is what's gonna remain,

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people saying, "Here's what I want.

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I find you attractive.

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We're in a bar 'cause we're allowed to be,

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so I'm just gonna say it."

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I think there's gonna be
a real sense of freedom

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and seizing the day,

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and that is both exciting
and deeply scary, (laughs)

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I think in some ways.

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I think it'll be wonderful,

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but I think that there's gonna
be a level of transparency

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that perhaps there never was.

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And I also think that
talking about COVID itself

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gave people a new experience talking

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about uncomfortable things.

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"Have you been tested? Are
you seeing other people?"

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I think the transparency is gonna remain,

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just people saying what they want

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and saying what they want quickly

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instead of all these
talking around desires,

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like, "I am looking for a partner.

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I am not looking for something casual,"

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or "I am looking for something casual."

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All of a sudden,

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people who could have very
surface conversations had

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to go a bit deeper than that.

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So I hope, it is my hope that
these deeper conversations

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and the transparency remain.

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So to break this down specifically based

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on different types of relationships,

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if you have been partnered, like me.

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I'm married, and I have been,
I would say, stuck (laughs)

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in a very small space with my
lovely husband and my child.

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What tips would you have for people

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who have really spent
a lot of time together

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and have seen each other at their best

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and at their worst over the last year?

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What can we be doing now to
transition into this new normal?

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- The first thing is no
one should be offended

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by someone who needs alone time.

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If a spouse or a partner says to you,

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"You know what, I would like
to take a week away on my own,"

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please, it's not about you.

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It's just about them,

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and it's just about having
the moment to do that.

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I think also this is a really good moment

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to thank each other, to say,

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"Wow, maybe I was upset
about certain things you did

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during the year, but now
I'm gonna take a moment

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to realize all that you did do."

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And I'm sure there have been
a lot of missing thank yous

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in the last 12 months, so
this is a really good time

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to acknowledge them and give them.

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- Single folks who have dealt with this,

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as we mentioned before,

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it's been a strange period of dating.

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Everything has slowed down.

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I imagine that there are a
lot of anxieties going back

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into the fast-paced world
of online dating again

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where I'm sure some people

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are just gonna be completely
throwing themselves

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into the deep end and
wanting to have a lot of sex.

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How do single people prepare

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for this crazy period we're about to see?

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- The first thing is don't go
back into that dating fatigue.

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If it was causing you grief and misery,

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don't do anything that's not fun, right?

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Keep the pace slow, unless
the fast part is fun for you.

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I would also say don't apocalypse date.

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That's what I'm sort of calling this idea

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that what if this happens,

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what if we're in lockdown again, right,

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this if there is a feeling
of desperation for a partner

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because of what you've experienced.

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That shouldn't be the case.

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There is nothing that
should make you rush.

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And the one thing I would also
say is keep the Zoom dating.

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A lot of people have had
incredibly successful courtships

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on FaceTime and Zoom

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where they were better at
getting to know someone

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with one or two first dates online

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and then having that first drink.

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So sometimes it makes it easier

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to skip the bad dates
you would've had before

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when you get to have those bad dates

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in the privacy of your own home.

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(upbeat music)

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- Now for the third category,

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there are some people
who were really fortunate

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because they found love
during the pandemic,

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but obviously things are
gonna change a lot for them

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when life goes back to normal.

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So for those couples, what
would you advise them to do

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as they return to normalcy
for their best chance

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of preserving that relationship?

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- So for couples who have
fallen in love in isolation,

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I think there are a
few things they can do.

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One, take baby steps.

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Maybe going to a family cookout

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with 45 people isn't the first thing to do

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once you leave the house.

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Maybe it's one friend at a time.

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The second thing I'd say
is remember it's a restart

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in some ways.

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You may have been with
someone for eight months,

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but this is still brand new.

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That means if it's frustrating,

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if it feels like it's not working,

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if it feels like a
mismatch, give it a moment.

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Don't feel this pressure

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that it should work as
well outside of the house

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as it did inside of the house.

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Some of these relationships
won't be meant to be

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outside of a pandemic.

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Many of them will be,

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but it's gonna take some adjustment time.

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So don't be frustrated.

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(upbeat music)

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- Many of us experienced
hard-learned lessons

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as we dealt with relationships
during the pandemic,

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and it would be a shame

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to let some of those lessons go to waste.

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And I, for one, want to bring
some of those lessons with me

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as we all transition into
the next phase of our lives.