1 00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:04,220 I never graduated college. 2 00:00:04,220 --> 00:00:06,130 I never even went to college. 3 00:00:06,130 --> 00:00:12,140 I went to the University of Digging Ditches on Construction Sites – go Fighting Shovels! 4 00:00:12,140 --> 00:00:14,740 So, why should you listen to me? 5 00:00:14,740 --> 00:00:16,020 Hmmm, let’s see… 6 00:00:16,020 --> 00:00:19,000 Well, I run a business that I built myself. 7 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,400 So, let me give you a couple of tips. 8 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,840 I hire and fire people like you all the time. 9 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:30,480 And I’ve seen a pattern with your generation—something I call “The Language of Losers.” 10 00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:32,300 Let me give you some examples: 11 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:33,900 “I did my best.” 12 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:37,900 My assistant told me this once after screwing up royally. 13 00:00:37,900 --> 00:00:42,740 And I said, “Matt, if you did your best and you screwed up royally, then I need to 14 00:00:42,740 --> 00:00:44,400 fire you right now. 15 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:49,640 The answer is either, ‘I didn’t do my best, I’ll do better next time’ or, 16 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:52,500 ‘I’m drunk right now and need to sit down.’ 17 00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:59,020 So the phrase I’ve drilled into my employees is, ‘Don’t do your best; do my best.’” 18 00:00:59,020 --> 00:01:03,420 Another example: I had a young employee once say to me, 19 00:01:03,420 --> 00:01:05,240 “I’m sorry. I screwed up. 20 00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:07,800 Next time, I’ll triple check.” 21 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,420 And I said, “Did you single check? 22 00:01:10,420 --> 00:01:12,040 Did you double check? 23 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:13,760 How did you get to triple check?” 24 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:16,360 I know how he got to triple check. 25 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,620 Single check is a screw up. 26 00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:21,120 Double check is…ehhhh…a flub. 27 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:23,900 And triple check is, “Hey, what do you want from me?” 28 00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:29,340 So, he hopped right to triple-check after not single- or double-checking. 29 00:01:29,340 --> 00:01:35,520 And the worst one—the one that’s driving me nuts, the one that’s destroying our society, 30 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:43,540 the one that got hold of the piece of thread of the sweater of society and is just unraveling it: 31 00:01:43,540 --> 00:01:45,640 “I feel.” 32 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:47,240 “I feel threatened.” 33 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,540 “I feel I’m being treated unfairly.” 34 00:01:49,540 --> 00:01:52,020 “I feel you’re a bully.” 35 00:01:52,020 --> 00:01:53,360 You’re 23. 36 00:01:53,369 --> 00:01:54,460 You live at home. 37 00:01:54,460 --> 00:01:59,800 Your bed is shaped like a race car and it’s covered with stuffies and your huggie-bookie. 38 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,940 Nobody cares how you feel. 39 00:02:01,940 --> 00:02:03,880 So, no excuses. Please. 40 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:08,740 If you do the job you’re hired to do and you do it well, your employer will never stop 41 00:02:08,740 --> 00:02:15,080 thanking you and lavishing you with ponies, and frankincense, and myrrh. 42 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:19,140 Now, you do your job well and you’re not rewarded? 43 00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:22,560 Someone else will find you and reward you. 44 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,980 Believe me, that’s how the universe works. 45 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:31,040 But, let’s face it—the chances of any of you working for me are slim to none. 46 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:34,780 The chances some of you may go out there and set some policy are pretty good. 47 00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:38,560 And most of you are going to vote on that policy. 48 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:43,780 So, let me ask you a favor: please, stay away from my freedom. 49 00:02:43,790 --> 00:02:47,900 If you want to know about the loss of freedom, look no further than the beach. 50 00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:50,200 I grew up in Southern California. 51 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,519 I used to go to the beach all the time. 52 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:58,280 There was one sign, and that sign read, “No lighting vans on fire and throwing 53 00:02:58,280 --> 00:02:59,820 the homeless into it.” 54 00:02:59,820 --> 00:03:05,060 Now you go to the beach and the sign looks like a menu from Fuddruckers. 55 00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:06,500 It never ends! 56 00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:07,780 No football. 57 00:03:07,780 --> 00:03:08,780 No fires. 58 00:03:08,780 --> 00:03:09,600 No smoking. 59 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:10,400 No alcohol. 60 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,220 And now, no frisbee. 61 00:03:12,220 --> 00:03:13,080 No digging. 62 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:14,440 No sandcastle. 63 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,260 No dogs. 64 00:03:16,260 --> 00:03:19,620 The beach is a metaphor for this country. 65 00:03:19,620 --> 00:03:20,820 It’s freedom. 66 00:03:20,820 --> 00:03:23,380 It means freedom. 67 00:03:23,380 --> 00:03:26,040 Everyone who came to this country landed on the beach. 68 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,560 They didn’t land in Nebraska. 69 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:31,940 They pulled up to the beach, they cracked a beer, they lit a cigarette, and they threw a frisbee. 70 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:36,680 And now, you can’t do jack squat on the beach. 71 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:43,180 Look no further than the beach sign from the fifties and the beach sign from 2018. 72 00:03:43,180 --> 00:03:44,760 All it gets is longer. 73 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:50,720 And, do the politicians ever show up with their eraser and go, “Hmm…let’s remove 74 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:58,080 a few of these Orwellian ideas that we put on this bonderized steel in front of the beach”? 75 00:03:58,080 --> 00:03:58,820 No! 76 00:03:58,820 --> 00:04:04,280 More things to assure we have a horrible time at the beach, don’t enjoy ourselves and, 77 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:11,160 more importantly, could get a ticket—just because we’re there, trying to drink a cold one, 78 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:15,260 make a sandcastle, and throw the dog the tennis ball. 79 00:04:15,260 --> 00:04:20,320 Don’t be one of those people who adds to the sign on the beach. 80 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:26,100 You be with me: sittin’ on a folding chair with a cigar between my lips 81 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:28,300 and a beer between my legs. 82 00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:32,240 So, you’re graduating and you’re all idealistic. 83 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,780 You want to make the world a better place. 84 00:04:34,780 --> 00:04:39,280 Here’s my request: Don’t make it worse. 85 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:43,280 I’m Adam Carolla for Prager University.